On a conversation I had when I was a mall Santa
“And what would you like for Jesus’ birthday, little boy?” I asked.
“For Christmas I want legos!” He said excitedly because children are stupid and get excited over things like that.
“Not world peace?” I said.
“No! Legos!” He yelled.
“What about ending world hunger?”
“NO! I WANT LEGOS!”
“What about solving homelessness? Why there’s little boys just like you that don’t have anywhere to live during Christmas.”
“LEGOS!”
“FINE YOU SELFISH BASTARD! YOU’LL GET YOUR FUCKING LEGOS!” I screamed, spitting Jack Daniels all over his idiot face. “And by the way? Santa isn’t real you moron. Merry Christmas.”
I was fired and subsequently arrested approximately five minutes later. I suppose that’s the price I have to pay for trying to enlighten the youth of today about the issues we’re facing.
Does everyone understand the exclamation mark now? How can you not get excited. PS…you are the best Mall Santa ever.
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mattsbrickgallery reblogged this from alanharris and added:
Does everyone understand the exclamation mark now? How can...excited. PS…you are
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